My Dog, the Chevy

by Alan Balter

For a while, my pet seemed normal to me
Doing all the things that dogs do
But then he started signaling for turns
And stopping for red lights too

There came a time when he couldn't poop
No way could I assist him
Until the local mechanic revealed
A clogged emission system

Then whenever it started to rain
He took to acting real hyper
So I took him to an auto parts store
And fit him out with a wiper

Whenever a stranger came to the door
He yapped as you'd assume
But soon he stopped his barking
And started to go "VROOOM"

Things went smoothly for a while
He did nothing for which I was sorry
Until I caught him at the curb
Sniffing the rear of a Ferrari

The first time he lapped up some gasoline
Was at the station yesterday
He ran in circles real crazy
Then sprinted like mad away

He ran for no more than a block
Then keeled over; I feared he was dead
But no reason at all to be alarmed
He'd just ran out of gas instead

Yes, I love him without condition
No matter what it requires
He'll always have a home with me
Even after his warranty expires