Happy Whatever

by Geoff Weilert

'Twas the night before something
But alas to my dismay
In these politically correct times
What it is, I can’t really say.

Whatever I utter,
These days someone gets offended,
Even though I’m just talking
And no offense was intended.

I should stick to national holidays
But it would probably be my fate again
To wish someone a Happy 4th of July
An end up offending some Canadian.

So I’ve decided to just talk
And speak my mind out much bolder
So stop being so sensitive
And get that chip off your shoulder.

Though differences there are
In custom, language, and name,
When you take everything off
We’re all pretty much the same.

So the generic holiday character
These days now loudly exclaims,
As he whistles and calls out
The politically correct names

Now Tyrone, now Herschel,
Now Tatyana, now Juan,
On Melissa, on Devesh,
On Mohammed and Kwan.

If I have written anything
That has caused you some strife,
I say a Happy Holiday to all,
And just get a life.